A Good Friend Reminds You Of Your...
magic 🪄
Hi. Welcome!
When I was 8 years old, I received my first diary from my aunt. It was pink, covered in ballet slippers and had one of those locks with a pointless key that inevitably gets lost.
At that same age, my dad had built me a "house bed." It was a pink, blue and white wooden clubhouse, with a loft bed on top. Inside, my friends and I would have babysitter club meetings and my cousins and I would play house—which was more like "teenagers" with my brother always being our pet cheetah. His request. Speaking of my brother, one day he found that secret slot my dad had built into the wall of the clubhouse, specifically designed to fit my diary. He read it and told everyone in the neighborhood what it said!
I've written publicly since 2009, weaving in real stories and life lessons and somehow relating it to style/getting dressed/fashion. My career for the past 20 years has been in dressing people—predominately as a Personal Stylist.
There have been times that I've taken pauses from writing—deaths of those close to me, depression and divorce. And the oddest thing is, THAT'S WHEN you need to be doing what you enjoy most. Putting activities you like on the backburner is of ZERO help!
But that's what we're shown. In movies, media, people we see in real life—it's acceptable to retreat; people don't know how long grief is "supposed to" last. It's been my experience that this kind of sadness is mostly left untouched by others, in the name of giving space or feeling confident that "she'll figure it out." Because I always have.
I have a podcast called Trust in Joy. This title comes from advice I received during a mediumship session with a shaman. (It's really not as unapproachable/mystical as you might be thinking, but it is powerful. I highly recommend it if you are considering...and am happy to give a recommendation.)
My most trusted ally, my grandmother Aniela, came through and a part of her message that stood out was, to "trust in joy." She said that I need to be having more fun. I felt pretty lame that my deceased at 87 years old grandma had to deliver that truth. (When I heard this, I was in my 30s. Eesh!)
The show aired in 2020 and the idea came from my dear friend Tina.
You know how you just don't forget some random things? This is one of them.
Tina, who lived in Denver, called me to say, "I was just picking up dog poop in the yard and thought, 'Lena should start a podcast!'" I laughed and told her she could have omitted from telling me that scene and then asked, "What the heck would I talk about?"
At that time, I had been taking myself on "artist dates" for the past year. Have you read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way? This book was already 30 years old when I heard about it and I was intrigued.
If you aren't familiar with the book, there are 3 main pieces of it:
Morning Pages
Walks
Artist Dates
You don't need to identify as an artist! Artist, shaman---these two titles I've mentioned can definitely sound intimidating. Acknowledge that and don't let it hold you back.
The crux of the artist date is to simply schedule 1-2 hours each week to do something that you enjoy or that interests you, by yourself.
Two criteria:
You go into it with no expectation. (Not like, "This better be fun" or "I better learn something" or "I better get a good workout at this new class" kind of mentality.) Making time for "just because" can feel totally foreign to some folks. Hi, I was one of them.
You gotta go alone.
I was craving both. Particularly because I had a preschooler and a baby, and didn't speak up for the support I needed nor the desires I had...which led to, let's call it a funk. So when I read this book, it was a full body YES! I am going to do these dates! I needed to read that in order to give myself permission to block out this personal time. It also gave me the courage to ask for it.
So Tina says, "Why don't you talk about your dates?"
When you're in a low and don't feel like yourself, that's the perfect time to think what you do/have to say/think, doesn't really matter. That's when a TRUE FRIEND is needed.
I end every podcast episode with a quote and here's a recent one:
"To love a person is to see all of their magic and to remind them of it when they have forgotten."— Rhonda Payne
Tina thought it was a good idea, that I'd be good at it, and that it would be fun. So I did it.
The show was originally called Dating Lena. A couple years later, I got divorced and that title felt cliche! So I changed it to Trust in Joy to remind me that following the fun is not frivolous, a waste of time or unsafe. This following of what you enjoy spread to talking with guests that said YES to an idea they had or a passion that they always thought couldn't be a business.
These are the people I like to be around. The ones that say YES to what they want, no matter how big or small it is perceived by others. AND even when it feels terrifying and she can't see the full path ahead.
My tell-everything-to-friend Tina, died a year ago today.
Her mom told me she wants to get a tattoo of "123." Because...Tina died on 12/3 and she was born on 1/23. 🤍
On December 3, I woke up to have a sip of water. I looked at my phone and it was 1:23 am. My girl is with me. 😊
Later that day, I was cooking Moroccan stew. Standing in front of the cutting board I said out loud, "If I see 123 today, NOT in the middle of the night, then I will write about you on my first Substack."
I saw it.
My original idea was to show some of her blog—the posts describing how she discovered the tumor (she was lying face down during a yoga class) and how she creatively embraced her hair loss from chemo treatments and tied the cutest head scarves! She too was a stylist. And a ginger. And LOUD! And full of life and generosity.
Except her posts are no longer live. (I rolled the dice on that one. 🎲)
In lieu of showing you her writing on the internet, how about a more visually fun display?
During our 15 year friendship, she has sent me loads of cards! And like a sentimental packrack, I keep most of what I receive from people I love.
Here's a few of her words. My intention is for this to uplift you, like they always did and continue to do for me.
Love you Tina Bo Bina.
